Fear is Relative

Coming home from my trip we hit turbulence on the plane as we were landing.  I’ve been in a couple of very bouncy landings in my life.   When I was young, I found them fun. I liked the way it felt when my stomach lifted and the plane bounced down.  I felt safe.

Now, the first thought was “What if I die”. I found myself gripping the arms of the seat and wondering what would happen next.  It surprised me that anything in a plane (short of a full out head first dive) would scare me.   I started wondering what had changed.

I am older for one thing.  I figure my kidney qi is weaker too.   I wondered if when I was younger I thought I was impervious.   I considered how I enjoyed the feelings.  I felt less worried and scared as I looked at my fear.

I let myself feel it, just wondering at it because it was new.   I also let myself enjoy the bouncing of the plane.   Obviously, nothing happened as I am writing this post.

It made me sad to think that something I had once found fun was now scary and I didn’t know why that had changed, exactly. I can theorize and guess but I’ll never really know.  This experience did teach me that fear is relative.  There was a time when I would have found those bumps fun rather than slightly scary.

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