Coming home from my trip we hit turbulence on the plane as we were landing. I’ve been in a couple of very bouncy landings in my life. When I was young, I found them fun. I liked the way it felt when my stomach lifted and the plane bounced down. I felt safe.
Now, the first thought was “What if I die”. I found myself gripping the arms of the seat and wondering what would happen next. It surprised me that anything in a plane (short of a full out head first dive) would scare me. I started wondering what had changed.
I am older for one thing. I figure my kidney qi is weaker too. I wondered if when I was younger I thought I was impervious. I considered how I enjoyed the feelings. I felt less worried and scared as I looked at my fear.
I let myself feel it, just wondering at it because it was new. I also let myself enjoy the bouncing of the plane. Obviously, nothing happened as I am writing this post.
It made me sad to think that something I had once found fun was now scary and I didn’t know why that had changed, exactly. I can theorize and guess but I’ll never really know. This experience did teach me that fear is relative. There was a time when I would have found those bumps fun rather than slightly scary.